I Never Should've Left
by heartbroken-lady
Summary: Five years ago, she left to go after what she thought she wanted. Please leave a review! :D This is the first story I have written in three years, so I'm not so confident about it...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first Twilight fic, the characters are a bit OOC, but I hope you like it.  All human.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They are Stephenie Meyer's. Edward Cullen owns me though 

It was a beautiful day and I decided to go out for a walk. I went en route to our meadow… that is what it will always be to me… _our_ meadow. I closed my eyes, and it was as if I was transported back in time to when he was here… with me. I still remember how it was when he first brought me here; it was our refuge, the only place that we can actually call ours. I fell in love with him when we were together, and I fell even deeper in love with him when we were apart. Strange, isn't it? How in all those times I was away from him, he was the only one who dominated my thoughts. Even when I reached the peak of the career I wanted, he was there.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_Edward, where on earth are you taking me?" I asked, exasperated._

"_Oh Bella, you are so impatient, you'll see it soon enough." He answered, wearing that smile of his, my smile…_

"_You know I hate surprises. So why not just tell me now?" I asked sweetly._

"_Sorry honey, not happening." He said. I sighed with great resignation; he's not going to let me win this time. We kept on walking through the woods until we came to a small clearing and I gasped._

"_Do you like it? I found it when I was a small boy wandering about. It was my own secret place, and I was kind of hoping it will be __**our**__ secret place from now on." I looked around me, it was all so beautiful. The meadow gave me a strong sense of peace and I suddenly flung myself around him. He was letting me into his own secret place and willing for me to share it with him. It was very endearing._

"_Thank you for sharing this with me." I whispered, looking deep into his eyes as our mouths like magnets locked in a sweet kiss._

_**End of Flashback**_

I sighed and slowly opened my eyes; I was dumbstruck when I saw his deep green eyes staring back at me. It was too late for us, I reminded myself. He was getting married in two weeks, at least that's what I heard when I first came to town this morning, after all these years. My heart clenched when I heard the news. I never stopped loving him, you know? I don't know why, I just never did. And honestly, what was I thinking going back here hoping that everything is as I left it five years ago? Maybe I deserve this for leaving. For choosing a dream I thought I wanted, a dream that I thought would make me happy over the person I love. I did what I thought I had to do, and it only made me miserable. And you know what the best part is? I told him to not wait for me, I told him to find his happiness because I might never come back. And now, I'm afraid of the consequences of my actions because he did what I asked him to do… he moved on with his life and became the happily engaged man I'm looking at right now.

"Hello, Edward; fancy meeting you here." I said, trying to keep a straight face while straightening out my dress, and trying to keep the beating of my heart at a normal pace.

"Hello, Isabella." _Isabella_… he never called me that unless he was very mad, and I can tell that right now, I am one of his least favorite people in the world. His jaw was clenched tightly and his lips were pressed into a thin line. I decided to break the ice a little.

"How are things going on around here?" I asked. "I heard you're getting married in two weeks. Congratulations." My heart breaking with each word, for honestly how does one congratulate the man you love on his engagement to a person that's not you?

"Everything's fine, everything's just as it is when you left." I laughed inwardly, wanting to tell him that if indeed everything was as it was when I left, he wouldn't be engaged to be married and would've still be in love with me as much as I am in love him.

"So who's the lucky girl?" Tell me, who's the lucky girl who you love more than you do me? Who made you forget about me? I know I was being unfair. After all, I was the one who left. But I just can't help it.

"You know her. Tanya." Yes, I know her: _Tanya_, the girl who has always been after you even when I was _here_, by your side.

"I see." It was all I could say; my tongue, too tight to say anything more than that.

"What are you doing here, Isabella?" Ahhhh. I knew he wouldn't be able to keep quiet about it. And I tried to scramble through my brain for a logical answer as to why I'm here.

"What? I'm no longer to visit my childhood home?" I laughed trying to keep my cool.

"It's not that. I meant what are you doing _here_?" Oh, I see… he meant the meadow. I honestly don't know what I was going to answer so I opted for the safest answer: the truth.

"I don't really know. I was just wandering around and before I knew it, I was here." He seemed to have taken that answer and I breathed again.

"I see." That was all he said. And again, we were covered by a dead silence that seemed to envelope us. I could feel the tension in the air, as if there were a lot of things we needed to say to each other that were kept in all these years. So I did what I did best.

"Well, it's been great seeing you Edward, I have to go. See you around." I turned around to leave but his hand stopped me. I was frozen to the spot and I tried to tug my arm free but he wouldn't budge.

"What are you really doing here, Bella?" He asked and I closed my eyes trying to fight back the tears that are forming. I can't tell him I went back because I realized that I shouldn't have left in the first place; that I realized that my place was here… with him. I came back too late. He was getting married to someone else, and I can't blame him for doing that. I tugged more forcefully knowing that I wouldn't win against his strength.

"You told me you're not coming back. You told me to go on and not wait for you. So what are you doing here?" he asked, more forcefully than before and then, I broke down. I let the tears fall as he held my hand captive. He made me face him and I could see through my teary eyes that he was in pain, I wish I could take it all with me, his pain… and then he looked at me, he looked AT me, and wiped away my tears. The moment his hands touched my face, I forgot why I was even crying. He was here with me, and this moment, though bitter was ours. It may be the last moment we could have together, and I wanted to memorize his face: his perfect eyes, his tousled hair, his tout lips… I want to remember everything. His eyes caught mine, and as if a moth to a flame, our lips met in a frenzied kiss. I knew it was wrong for me to be acting this way to an engaged man. But I can't help myself. It was as if life is being breathed into me when he kissed me. It was as if I was alive again, and for the first time in so long, I let myself be consumed in his kiss. He pressed me closer to his body, his arms holding me captive in a loving 

embrace. I can't describe how his kiss or his touch felt. It was sweet and tentative, not dominating. It was better than I remembered. He made me feel loved again. Our kiss seemed to have gone on forever and then, I pulled away. I looked deep into his eyes, but I couldn't read what emotion was there, and then I realized what I had just done, and I did what I do best. I ran away. This time though, he didn't stop me.

A/N: Should I continue it? Love it? Hate it? Leave a comment. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I would like to thank Angelique (TheGodsCanDance) for helping me get on with this chapter. You are amazing, and have been very helpful! THANK YOU! I dedicate this chapter to you. :-)

Disclaimer: All characters are not mine. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. As I said before though, Edward owns ME.

Chapter 2

I ran and ran not having any idea as to where I was going, and I really didn't bother enough to care. What mattered was that I had to get him out of my immediate vicinity before we do something I know we will both regret. It had been years since I last felt his touch and the kiss we just shared ignited a sense of longing in me that I never knew existed. _This is wrong_. I tried to tell that to myself over and over again, but my brain doesn't seem to listen, because every time I repeat it to myself, I remember the feel of his lips against mine, the feel of his hands on me, and I remember that look in his eyes, the look of pain that somehow, I knew I inflicted. I don't know why I was happy about it, his pain; maybe it was because I at least knew that I still have an effect on him, that at the very least, some of his regard stayed after all those years of my absence. I finally stopped from running, and I found myself back on the highway. His Volvo was there and I found myself remembering the first time we ever really kissed, the first time _I_ was ever really kissed. Perhaps I was too young then, but if that was the case, why am I feeling this way after all these years?

_**Flashback**_

_It was a normal school day and Edward, my gorgeous boyfriend was waiting for me outside the classroom's door. We began dating two weeks ago to the consternation of the entire female populace of the school. Of course, that is with the exemption of Rosalie and Alice; but I guess that is mostly due to the fact that Alice is Edward's twin sister and has found the 'most perfect guy' in Jasper and Rosalie is irrevocable in love with his brother Emmett, who is at the moment studying in Dartmouth. I can't say I blame the others for hating me though. After all, Edward's the guy that all the girls from the entire school wants to date, and him dating me… a simple nobody was perhaps a little too much for them to bear; especially to Lauren and Jessica, who are so used to having every male species in the school grovel at their feet that they can't seem to get over the fact that Edward wanted ME._

"_Hello Edward!" I said tiptoeing to kiss his right cheek all the while holding onto his shoulders for leverage. He was wearing a blue button-up shirt (my favorite) with jeans and a pair of sneakers. He smelled amazing, delicious even, and I just knew it wasn't the cologne he was using._

"_Hello Bella how was your day?" he asked, smiling as he took my right hand in his. He took my book bag and carried it for me, all the while leading us to the school's parking lot. I love it when he does these little things for me… it makes me feel… special… cared for… Not that it made any difference to before we were dating because he used to do this even BEFORE we were dating… back when I thought that it would be too impossible for someone as perfect as he is to date someone as plain as me._

"_Nothing interesting really happened; how about yours?" _

"_Really now… I heard you hit Newton with a Tennis racket." He said chuckling darkly. I slapped his chest. Hard, I hope. _

"_Edward you really have a good way of flattering me, you know?" I said, pouting. I mean, really! I know that I'm practically a danger magnet but honestly! Rubbing it in my face is not a good way of telling me he loves _

_me. And it's not as if Newton didn't deserve it for all the stunts he's been pulling, trying to get my attention all the while knowing that I'm already with Edward. The cluelessness of that man is simply… well… unnerving._

_We reached his silver, shiny Volvo and he opened the passenger door for me, just like any gentleman would, I smiled. He put our things in the backseat and got around to get in the car himself._

_A comfortable silence passed between us as he got us off the school grounds. I turned the radio on. They're playing Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls right now and I leaned back in my seat, I just love this song. Before Edward and I started dating, I would always listen to this song and think of how impossible it is for the two of us to end up together. Alice always knew that I liked, no scratch that. She always knew that I was in love with him, and she kept on telling me that I should probably try telling him that, but of course, I was too scared of his reaction to do it. But then, if I had followed her advice from the beginning, this relationship of ours could've started out sooner. Not that I'm complaining though, because I'm extremely happy at where we are right now._

_He was holding my left hand over the gearshift; I found it cute that he does that. I love the feel of his hands on mine, it makes me feel safe. But then, before I knew it – all too soon, he was pulling up at the front of my house – the ride was over. I don't know what came over me but I didn't want to get out of the car. I looked up at the house; it has probably seen its better days. It was painted a faded white, and is two stories tall. Dad's cruiser was nowhere in sight, and I suddenly thought that I'm not yet ready to let go of the feeling of his warmth next to me in exchange for the coolness of my bed._

"_We're here, Bella." He said, as if trying to remind me that I'm supposed to get out of the car now; his voice, teasing me._

"_I know we are." I said. I looked up at him and I saw confusion written all over his face._

"_Is something wrong?" He asked, concern lacing his voice as his hand reached up to touch my face, making me face him. I caught his hand in mine and looked deep into his eyes. I don't know what happened then, but he pulled my face to his in the gentlest of motions and his eyes searched mine, as if asking for permission. I leaned in, and before I knew it, our lips were touching. He moved his lips over mine with such gentleness that made my heart melt. I was in cloud nine; this first kiss of ours was perfect. It was gentle and sweet and, it was just many wonderful things… all at the same time. Much to my disappointment, the kiss that I hoped would last forever ended too soon, mostly due to our lack of air. I held onto him a little while longer and sighed._

"_Thank you." He said, and I looked upon him questioningly._

"_Thank you for what?" I asked him._

"_For giving me you." He said, his deep green eyes looking, no boring into mine._

"_You'll always have me." I said, hugging him tighter against me._

_**End of Flashback**_

I knew the day I agreed to let my mother take me away that my life will never be the same again. She promised me that it would be better if I left this 'godforsaken place' and my 'good-for-nothing boyfriend' behind. She always knew that I wanted to be on Broadway, it was my dream, and I guess… I wasn't strong enough to resist the temptation of what she could give me… what she could make me become; or maybe it was just that I was too 

scared of the fact that I am ready to give myself to him body and soul, and I'm afraid that in the end, he will realize that he was too good for me and leave me behind. I can't be sure.

_You'll always have me…_ That was what I said to him all those years ago when I bestowed upon him, my first real kiss. And now, I realized how true those words were. He'll always have me; even now that he has someone else and had moved on, I'll always be his; only his. I never thought that I would see him today, at _our_ meadow but seeing him in the flesh instead of imagining how he looked like made me realize that I could never be without him. When I felt his lips on mine, I knew that he'll always be the one guy who could make my heart beat slower and faster, all at the same time.

A/N: please, please review and tell me what you think! :D


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